But...I'm an ART-EEST!

Just an update or two, plus a bit of rambling.

I updated the look of this blog, just a little. Let me know what you think and how readable it is. I know that transparent text backgrounds can sometimes be annoying. This one is ok for my eyes, but if I can improve it at all, please do share any ideas you may have.

Along with the new look, I added tabs to external related links; my burlesque performance website and the Austrian Woman Facebook page. Among these tabs, I also included two other blogs of mine...

Splendorous Rubbish is my photo blog dedicated to finding images of women throughout history breaking the stereotypical idea that women were always uncomfortable in their clothing, corsets, stays, etc. Captured photos of ladies, in all their finery, doing activities that we typically don't see in the millions of dour sepia family photographs.
I just began this blog a little while back, so while there isn't a lot of content yet I have lots of amusing photos to share.

The Valkyrie is my personal blog. Here I both rant and rave a little, and while some posts might occasionally be sewing or fashion related, I tend to like keeping my non-project posts separate from the frou-frou fantasy of this blog.

As for the rambling...

it's just things I may have already mentioned here in the recent past. I don't like to be repetitive, yet after a conversation with a freind last night about what things I need to do to be happier, I realized more than ever that I need to really take a good look at what things are giving me satisfaction deep down in my soul, and how it affects me on a daily basis. Mainly, how even the lack of certain activities affect the way I interact with friends and loved ones.

I've been on edge.

I've felt the need as a WWII reenactor to be more involved.
This past year especially, there have been very few reenactments, and after feeling the withdrawals the public events with the tank museum filled some of that space....but I didn't get into reenacting to do public events.  I found myself really stressing at most of these, and just acted as a reminder of just how much of an introvert I really am. Granted, there are a lot of rude and idiotic people in this world, but somehow they all show up at once at living history events, or air and car shows.

I've attended nearly all of the public events to represent the museum, but still feel that I'd rather have the controlled environment there. However, due to my work schedule, I can't be at the museum itself to give the guided tours as often as they would need.

And to be frank, I'm not sure I want to be a tour guide. But in order to even see a good chunk of friends and not feel like the outcast in the room any time we get together for dinner or a drink, I need to be involved in all of the above all the time.

I need to just be ok with only doing the occasional public event, and help out when I can when it comes to the restoration activities involving the collection. I need to assure myself that it's ok to not be up there with everyone else every weekend.

Because I have a core need to sew.

There iw a thing I need in life right now...besides the obvious ingredients of survival (friends, food, drink and metal \m/\m/);

Sewing for the art of it.

When it's for a historical garment or even a new burlesque act, if I don't get to do this regularly or at all for long periods of time, I literally fall into a kind of depression, and it's absolutely horrible.

Last night I realized that it's worse than ever.

Without taking time out of each day for this art form, I begin to stress out over the little things, I feel hopeless.
I stop posting in my blog because I can't stand seeing other people's amazing projects taking shape while mine languish in boxes or on the cutting table. At it's deepest darkest points, I begin to take it out on people (in subtle and not so subtle ways) and I withdraw from my friends, not even realizing that I'm doing any of it.
I need to get it all out, for lack of a better term.

As cliche and silly as it may sound, I consider myself an artist instead of a seamstress.
Imagine if the already emotionally fragile, self-mutilating and suicidal Van Gough was kept from doing any for m of artistic expression? I imagine it would have driven him to a similar end that much sooner. He starved so that he could afford his paints and brushes. Was he merely a painter? No. We consider him an artist of his own design and direction. A force of nature even.
I often ask myself similar questions when I don't get enough time to design and create through sewing.

To me at least, the term 'seamstress' more often has the connotation that I provide a service sewing things for others. While I know there are plenty of amazing seamstresses out there, that are indeed creating true art and derive joy from this type of creative process while making a living from it, it's not one that works for me personally.

I do enjoy sewing the occasional garments for friends, but it needs to be on that rare occasion when I have time.
There needs to be that balance of creativity and how available that creative time is for people other than my immediate sphere.
I create what I do for myself and enjoy sharing it here. If someone likes what I create, that's wonderful to me. Even more so; if someone is inspired by it in some way, I feel that I have created a truly successful piece of art, and my soul has than been made happy for it on many levels.